Sunday, August 07, 2005

Best candidate for Springdale mayor


It's been two years now since Kirby the dog ran for a council seat in the town of Springdale, Utah. The campaign slogan "make no bones about it---he's the best doggone candidate" captured the hearts and minds of a not a few voters in this isolated valley on the fringe of nowhere. It was said that voter turn-out was higher because people wanted to write him in on their ballot. The town claimed he got four votes, but I believe there was a deliberate under count, so as not to expose the larger disaffection voters felt towards their selection of homo sapien candidates. Alma Young explained it to me this way, when she told me why she had removed the Kirby campaign poster from her store's bulletin board, "if you vote for a dog, what are you saying about our human candidates?" What indeed?

Springdale is primarily a tourist town and increasingly the address of self-important second home millionaires, and I think Kirby's libertarian tendencies (his only platform is to install more fire hydrants), canine decency, loyalty and sense of honor are attractive qualities to have in a small town mayor. He's not gonna stir up a lot of dust but be the very essence of laissez-faire government. There'll be no barking up the wrong tree on his watch, he'll just preside over a political process that has gone to the dogs.

I'm looking for campaign slogans and such from you my blogger friends out in the ether of space. What can we come up with that will blow the socks off the electorate? I want to get a decent dog heard among the din of political discourse sure to fire up soon, as off year elections come again to rural Utah this fall. (The filing deadline is next week, so share what you got wiff me soon because the primaries loom.)

I thank ya'll in advance as does Kirby the wonder dog of Zion Canyon.

9 comments:

Max said...

Beamis, it looks like it will be hard to top Kirby's slogan from the last campaign but I will give it some thought and get back to you.

Devastatin' Dave said...

"Kirby will be tough on crime. He vows to collar all criminals."

"Kirby will put spending on a short leash."

The Imperialist said...

I worry about his habit of sniffing and kissing up a***'s.

I also suspect he can be bribed for bones...

I heard tell that perhaps he is also the 'stalking dog' for a yet undeclared runner...rumour is that Nemo - the "I hear no evil" candidate is also thinking of running.

beamis said...

I got one from my friend in Florida via email who wrote "Because dog breath beats hot air."

Sinister Steve said...

Vote for Kirby

He sniffs ass
not kisses it

Sinister Steve said...

Vote for Kirby

He can lick his own balls

Audie said...

"Vote for Kirby and win a free bath from an underwear-clad redhead."

That should do it.

beamis said...

She was wearing a bikini with her t-shirt over the top dude.

Devastatin' Dave said...

Beamis,

Quit harshing our buzz.